So, I bought a guitar to refresh a skill I had been building for 9 years of my childhood life and then just put on a shelf, as adolescence kicked in, for about 18 years. It’s become a nice way to tune out after a busy day and as I already had the skill, by time, my emotions started to manifest in songs. I’ve been playing these songs to some friends of mine and I realized how dark and sad they all sound – would make a person think I’m constantly depressed. Just like my poems on this blog. It struck me as something strange as I’m generally a cheerful, optimistic person with a positive outlook on life. I actually love this life-experience so much, sometimes, I have trouble falling asleep ‘cos I don’t want to miss anything. Yet, when it comes to art, I turn to the dark side.
The peculiarity of this realization comes not from the fact that I express negative emotions through art, but that I don’t express the positive ones in such a way, and I don’t really feel that I could do so. Not for now. When things are good, I just enjoy it.
As a true representative of Generation Y, with many years of training in philosophy and a decade of practice in observing and analyzing certain forms of art, my brain immediately got obsessed with the “why”. Why is it that when I gave my soul a tool, it started pouring out all the pain, the disappointment, the worry, the anger, but none of the joy, gratitude, love, and ease?
The answer to the question is so banal I wasn’t even going to write about it, but I decided to do so, as it can open the door to progress and I might notice myself change, broaden the emotional content of my work and write from a happy place, as well, eventually. (Plus, ironically, the thought didn’t let me fall asleep.)
Artistic expression is the soul’s equivalent to a runny nose. Some negative emotions and thoughts spring up, develop, multiply within us and a way to get rid of them and keep ourselves healthy is to push them out in this compressed, channeled way.
In the end, whatever I’ve written on this blog or sung out into the ether is simply the “bathwater” of the sparkly little spirit that lives in my body. Really, she is delighted to experience every moment of life, including these tickles of mental pathogens that get their release in an exhilarating “heart-sneeze”, forming melodies, poems, photos and songs.